My Lord and My God,

I am here.  I am where you want me to be.  I’m ready to say, “Thank you,” for the gift of depression.  I can feel Your smile now.  Yes, I am ready to say what I never thought I could say, but, “Thank You, Lord, for the gift of this chemical imbalance in my brain.”

The days have not been easy.

The nights have been very long.

Sleep has often been accompanied by dreams that frighten me, sleep paralysis, and furious battles with evil that terrify me and cause me to run to You, to hide behind You and Your Majestic power knowing that You will protect me from evil.  You will walk with me.  When I fall, You will help me up.  When I cannot walk, You will carry me.

Lord, I am not worthy of Your love, yet, You are there with eyes of love for me.  I see Your eyes, and I am no longer afraid.  I feel your strength, and I am comforted.

You send me Your consolations.  I find the image of a butterfly in an orange I am cutting up.  I find that a bruise on my leg is healing, and in the center of this bruise is a heart.  I find a new penny on my purse, where there was none a few minutes before. 

Lord, You are with me always.  Even when I doubt, even when I am afraid, even when I cannot see You, I am learning that You in Your glory and majesty are with me always.

This chemical imbalance in my brain is not an easy cross to bear.  I often feel hopeless, desolate, inconsolable, but in Your goodness and love, You are there silent and full of love for me, the child of Your Heart. 

Like You, I fall down as I carry this thorn of a cross.  I stumble.  I fall.  I skin my knees, and You are always there, the Father, the Brother, the Guide to lift me and hold me and put me on my feet again.  Yes, Lord, like You, I have suffered.  I have felt abandonment.  I have felt rejection.  
I have felt overwhelmed and ready to give up.  You’ve sent Your angels to be with me and to comfort me, these unseen guardians of our souls. 

Lord, You’ve let me bear this splinter of Your Cross so that I might learn to appreciate the good days, even in the darkest of nights.  You have taught me faith.  You have given me hope.  You have taught me to be grateful for the simplest of tasks and my ability to finish them.  You have helped me to see the beauty in the support of my family and friends.  They have been here for me, and they have lifted me up when I was down.  They have prayed for me and blessed me in their prayers. 

No, Lord, this gift of depression is not easy, but it is the way You have chosen for me to walk.  For all that I have learned and for all the blessings You have given me, I thank You, Lord.

Amen