Opening My Prayer Journal: My Prayer during Adoration

Lord Jesus,

I sit in front of Your Tabernacle of a Monstrance of the altar.  I am distracted by my notebook, well, not exactly my notebook, I am distracted by the blank pages in my notebook.

I can only say that my faith is weak today.  I feel like I am saying No to You.

I want to say yes to You, but it's like a part of me is missing.  I should throw myself on Your Mercy!  Today, I want to control.  I want to be in charge, and knowing this, I realize how stupid this idea is.

I do long for a humble heart!

Today, my heart is lukewarm.

I do not feel an attachment to You.

Yet, I still long for a thread,

a cord, a rope to anchor me to Your Sacred Heart. 

 I am dry.

Is this what You want me to accept?

Do You want me to take off my shoes and walk the hot, dry sands with You?

Do you want me to accept, no embrace, the dryness of the desert so that You will compress my heart and change the dust into diamonds?

May You be glorifies, Jesus, through my journey in the desert!

Praise to the Father!

Praise to the Son!

Praise to the Holy Spirit!

The desert is hot.  The wind blows away my foot prints.

No one will know I walked this desert path.

The blows away the path on which I journey.

When I die, my flesh will be dust.

When I die, my bones will be dust.

My soul, though, will never be dust.

It will be living long after my time on earth has finished.

Lord Jesus, remember me when I die.

Do not let my spirit roam the dunes and not leave a mark.

Do not let me be forgotten by You.

I veil myself in Your Presence as a sign of respect for You.

I hide beneath my veil, for I am not worthy to be seen by You, but You made me as I am,

and I know I am worthy of Your Love.

I continue to seek Your graces. 

You give Your Love to all, freely and without conditions.

Why, then, do You go away when I seek You?

I cannot find You and I do not understand.

I look an do not see You.

My eyes are closed to Your glory!

I seek You on the highest dune.

The wind leaves trails to know it was there.

I am like a ghost whom no one sees.

I leave no trail.  I leave no mark.

I see no path.  I am lost.

The wind spits sand in my eyes.

Lord, save me!

I am blinded and in pain!

Lord, hear me!

the howl of the wind plugs my ears with sand.  I cannot hear You!

Lord, forget me not.  I am in need of Your protection.

The beasts attack, and they want my soul.

Lord, help me!

I need You!

I need You!

The storm is passing.  There is only a gentle breeze now.
I feel You near to me. 
You are near me.
The desert is beginning to turn green.
Do I hear water, too?
The desert is covered in green.
Lord, thank You.
Thank You!