Until Yesterday...

Public Domain: Edwin Harris: Girl in a pink apron

Until yesterday I believed that the problem was

discerning 

God's Will.

Today, I have changed my mind.

The problem is not discerning 

God's Will,

but

in 

accepting God's Will.

An hour praying and discussing the issue of fasting with Jesus

at adoration

and 

a discussion with our pastor after adoration on the same topic taught me that 

discernment

was not the issue.

Accepting

God's Will

was the issue.

I am a diabetic who is insulin dependent.

Fasting is, and has been, a significant issue for me.

I have tried food fasts, only to find my sugars rise instead of fall.

I have tried fasts of bread and water, which also cause my sugars to rise very high.

I have tried abstaining from different foods.

I have tried eating only vegetables, and

 my sugars rise.

My daughter pointed out to me that if I wanted to fast,

food was not the fast for me.

However,

I ignored what she said was obvious.

I felt that God's Will was for me to fast.

 

Nope. No. Nein. Nada. No way

did these food fasts work.

 

Yesterday, in a discussion with our pastor, he said to me.

"It's obvious.  It is not God's Will that you fast from food."

 

Nu-uh!

God wants me to fast!

 

"Have any of your food fasts worked in the past?" Father asked me.

 

"Well, then, I have to discern what foods I have to fast from," I replied.

 

"I think God has been telling you for a long time," Father replied.

 

"I want my prayers to be more effective.  I have to fast!" I said.

 

 'Think about it," Father replied.

Last night as I wrote in my prayer journal,

there were still no answers about the  foods from which I should fast.

I knew I had to discern God's Will.

Then I saw them.

There were so many "I's" in my journal.

I want to fast.

I want to use food.

I

I

I.

Discernment was not the issue. 

Acceptance was.

None of my food fasts had ever worked,

 the numbers showed that clearly.

 

God had made His Will clear,

but I wasn't listening to Him.

 

His Will for me is that I not use food to fast.

Perhaps, the hunger I feel for Him can be fueled from virtue.

 

He's asking me to 

TRUST HIM.

 

He's asking me to 

ACCEPT HIS WILL.

 

He's asking me to behave with 

HUMILITY.

He's asking me to let Him be in charge, to let Him be

GOD.

 

Truthfully, it's a relief.

I don't have to worry about fasting any more.

I didn't like it anyway, but now, I can take this gift of not fasting,

and,

honestly thank God because it's not His Will for me.

He will show me what He wants me to do.

 

Now, the balance returns with the gift of His Peace.

TRUST

ACCEPTANCE

HUMILITY

DIE TO SELF.

 

The journey begins anew.

Perhaps, this is the beginning of humility?