Every week has it’s ups and downs. I’m fighting an ongoing battle with depression. I have to remember there are good days and bad days whether you have this illness or not. I have to acknowledge that depression is a mental illness. To have your mind be infected with such a disease is not something about which anyone should be embarrassed. Depression, like all illnesses, is real. It is something I feel in my body and in my mind. My body hurts, at times, because of this illness. My mind suffers from the sorrow. I’ve controlled this disease for 3 years, now, there has been a flare up. As with any illness, is time to explore more treatment options. I need strategies to cope with my days. I have to hold my head high when people shake their heads and say, “Get over it. It’s all in your head.” Yes, it IS in my head. Everything begins in the brain. Right now, my brain is sick. Like any other organ is not functioning properly, I need treatment. I am finally treating this disease with both homeopathic and pharmaceutical remedies. I am also treating this disease with therapy. I am beginning to feel better. God is good.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,
and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34: 18
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,
and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34: 18
Treatment of depression has also sent me to my neurologist and my cardiologist. Both of these women are kind and compassionate. They listen to me and form plans to treat the assault on my heart and on my neurologic system. They advise me about the side effects of certain anti depressants. They understand the why of my illness. They take the time to help me.
God is good.
“But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength,
they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40: 31
"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation and brings no regret, but worldly grief produces death.” 2 Corinthians 7: 10
I’m learning to detach myself from the things that trigger my negative emotions. In order to do this, I am working with my therapist. My therapist doesn't like to show it, but she doesn’t like Catholics, Catholic priests, or God. I suspect that she does not believe in God, but that is not a topic we have discussed. It’s just that I see her face when I bring up my religion or the priests whom I have consulted to deal with the issues of depression and my soul. I had considered finding a new therapist, but two things happened this week. 1) We had a good session, and I was very inspired by her insights, and 2) my confessor suggested that, perhaps, I was supposed to be there for her. God ways are amazingly creative. God is good.
He answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:27
One of the advantages to suffering is that when we suffer, we have the advantage of uniting our sufferings with Jesus for the good of souls. Jesus suffered great psychological pain in the garden. He felt the pain of fear as He saw His Passion and Death. He felt the pain of abandonment as His beloved apostles slept rather than supported Him in prayer. He felt the pain of rejection as those He had loved turned against Him and demanded His death and the freeing of Barrabas. Yet, even in His time of great sorrow and suffering. He clung to the love of His Mother and the women who followed Him and sought to care for Him, as did, Veronica who ministered to Jesus by wiping His Face. I try to remember, each time I slip into the depths of depression, Jesus and how He gave us the gift of salvation. I offer up that suffering to Him for souls.
“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
Phillipians 4: 13
The fog is beginning to lift. The storm is beginning to ease. I have been in the middle of the storm, with the waves pelting my skin like sharp whips on my body, leaving my face is soaked in tears because my heart breaks. What is this teaching me? What am I learning besides the pain of dreams that have died, and the sorrows that I must endure? I am learning that God is good.
I am learning that in God I find my hope, my life, my salvation.
“He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.” Psalm 40:2
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As I move from illness into health again, I realize that God has a plan for each of us. Part of my plan for sanctification and service is this gift, yes, I said, gift of depression. I have been put on this earth to glorify Him through my depression. I have been put on this earth to teach others of God’s great graces in this suffering. I have been put on this earth to love others and help them on their path to God.
“I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God; for the creation was subjected to futility, not of its own will but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.” Romans 8: 18-21
“I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God; for the creation was subjected to futility, not of its own will but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.” Romans 8: 18-21
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